Lots and lots of lesson these past few days.
I am constantly in the process of falling apart and letting God catch me, in all those infinite, crazy ways that don’t make any sense because He’s a rescuer with ways that are not my ways and thoughts that are not my thoughts.
How I love Him- and I realize it in the strangest places, at the strangest times.
I see Him when I see love.
I don’t understand Him.
And I don’t understand love.
But I see it, and recognize it, and marvel, marvel at how I am always learning.
Tonight, at work. There’s a girl who I, quite honestly, didn’t like when I first started working there six months ago. I’d made up my mind to be kind to her, as much out of stubbornness as any true kindness.
There was just this tiny hint, under a lot of crabbiness and snapping and making the new kid do all the dirty, nasty jobs. A hint that whispered, She is something more than this.
Slowly- very slowly- I stopped disliking her. I don’t know when it happened. Maybe when I had invested enough in trying to love her that I began to find the lovable in her.
Maybe when I remembered to ask how things were with her and her boyfriend, how her ankle felt as it was healing from a sprain.
And tonight, when it was twelve below zero and we were both standing by the freezing drive-thru window in our work uniforms, the truly incredible happened.
I was handing an order out, trying not to shiver, while simultaneously trying to smile at a rude customer- and she took off her own jacket, pushed it into my arms, and walked away before I could refuse.
It hit me as I stood there between orders, safe in someone else’s sacrifice, that it wasn’t the first time I’d been in this place.
I remembered a lot of pain- my own- and someone else, who carries infirmities and pain, a man of sorrows- and I remember what it was like when I was first safe in someone else’s sacrifice.
This, then, is love.
I smiled to Him, arrogantly, foolishly, like I always do. So there is something more to her, after all.
And His response was a gentle- a whispered laugh, a breath in the wind. Just like there is something more to you, too.
And there it was again- love.