I have been in this black hole for days. As you know, my blog posts have dwindled. I have tried, and tried, and tried, to climb out of this loneliness, this depression since the week of Thanksgiving.
I have been unable to.
I’ve just been so, so lonely. I have been stuck at home. All I do is sleep.
I went to class once in this past week.
And then tonight the thing I have been fighting for just happened, unexpectedly. The weight I had carried was gone.
Gone, not because I somehow shook it off myself. Not because I suddenly had the strength to be that good Christian who never struggles.
Gone because of a few friends.
A friend who told me she missed me.
A conversation about garlic bread and school and poop that pulled me back into the world.
Another conversation about the dream of a future world, away from this place, with a friend who shares my restlessness.
Three friends, reaching unconsciously into my lonely abyss and shattering the darkness.
And something has changed. I begin to believe, finally, that there is light beyond the clouds, that there is still something in this world for me.
I begin to hope again.